PSA: If you don't know what to say...

A lot of people hear about infertility and think, "well this just got awkward!" Then most people choose to make it more awkward with what I like to call "verbal vomit." Verbal vomit is when you probably shouldn't be talking, but you just can't seem to help yourself.

I have read so many blog posts about what to say, what not to say, what to do, what not to do, etc.... when you find out a friend is struggling with infertility. Some, I have to admit, are just funny, and some are appalling, though most are absolutely true. I use to think people just didn't know how to react to me, until I started "comparing notes" with others in similar situations. Honestly, we laughed about a lot of it. We just couldn't believe that people would say that kind of stuff, let alone how many people had said those things.

What I want to address here, is something that isn't usually talked about on the "what not to say, do..." blogs. This is something that is going to make people mad. Here goes.

According to the Mayo Clinic, and just about every doctor out there, Infertility is when a couple has been having unprotected sex for a year without pregnancy. Doctors say that if you are above 35, and have been trying for over 6 months, you fit in this category also. That is infertility.

People who have been struggling for years.... People who know the pain of being diagnosed.... People who know the stress of doctor's appointments, hormone injections, two week waits... People who know exactly what RE, IUI, Clomid, Ovidrel, Endometrin, IVF, HGC, TWW, metformin, BBT, PCOS, LH, FSH... are. These are the people that have been there, or are there now.

People who "it took 4 months" to get pregnant, just don't. Don't tell me you "get it." Don't tell me how hard it was to deal with your "struggle to get pregnant and the grief that it brought." Just don't.

Trust me, I've been there too. Before I got pregnant with my daughter, I was told I wouldn't get pregnant. Once I got pregnant, I said some very stupid things, which I only realized now that we are going through infertility. I remember telling people that doctors gave me a "slim to none" chance to conceive and I did. I remember saying, "you never know!" I wish I could go back and stop myself from saying those things. I realize now, that those "innocent comments" were actually very hurtful.

So please, for the sake of your friend who is struggling, please be mindful of your comments. Please choose your words wisely.

If you have any doubts, google it. I'm serious! Google will give you tons of blogs and websites about what not to say. One that I found particularly helpful, even if just to give those people, who don't choose their words, grace, is citymomsblog.com/houston/infertility-an-etiquette-guide-of-what-not-to-say/