So, lately, I've been feeling that I should change things. Everything from food choices, to lifestyle choices, even in some respects, to friend choices. It's not that I'm particularly unhappy, I just want to actually be happy!
Cooking from scratch has been one way that I've found that I'm able to choose what goes in my body. I've found some awesome recipes, made a few of my own, and relied on some "oldies but goodies" that have been passed down to me. Being that I studied culinary disciplines in college, I know the rules of homemade food, which is why, I think, that processed food seems to convenient. Food that you make at home won't last as long as the food you would buy premade, but it tastes better, and, here's the kicker, it's better for you!
I've also picked up working out, as opposed to just sitting around having a sedentary lifestyle. I know what your thinking, "How n you have a sedentary lifestyle with a toddler?" Well, the truth is that I have mainly been sitting around. If I took my daughter somewhere, I would usually just find a spot to sit, because I haven't had the energy to be physical.
So I'm changing my outlook! I realized that, while my predicaments do have an effect on me emotionally and physically, I need to MAKE myself get up. I need to MAKE myself move. I need to MAKE myself see the positive and not just give up constantly.
It was making me a bad, wife, mom and friend. I was sad all the time. The worst part was that I didn't want to have a pity party, so I would "fake" being happy. But that just made it worst. I looked happy, but I was pushing people away, I had no patience for anything, and I was quick to just throw my hands up, loose my temper, and scream.
Now, my goal is to actually BE happy, BE patient, BE amiable!
I've had to apologize to so many people over the last 8 months or so. This has been the longest "trial" period I've been through. Praying every day. Being sad and reminded every day. It's played a toll on so many relationships, that I've almost lost a few.
So now is time for change!
I'm making better decisions with food, less processed food. I'm making better decisions with my lifestyle, so that I am actually working out. I'm making myself BE a better person, inside and out. And finally, I'm guarding my heart.
I use to let everyone affect me. If someone would give me a weird look, or not respond to a call or a text, I would worry about it for days, or even weeks. I had to come to the realization, with the help on my husband, that people will come and go, relationships will come and go, but I have to be ok with myself. If I'm not happy with myself, than who will be?
People who bring us down are not the people we should be listening to. Yes, sometimes, that means that you will have to "just let it roll off your back," when a family member or even close friend does/says something. If someone makes you question if you're "good enough," look in the mirror and tell yourself this: "I'm good enough for God. He won't make me feel fat. He won't make me feel ugly. He won't make me feel unwanted!" Repeat that to yourself! I'm repeating it as I'm typing.
It's hard sometimes, well a lot of times, to remember that God does want to bless us and show us grace. He does show us grace, he shows us everyday, by letting us wake up, giving us air to breath!
Trust me, I know that when you are praying for something day after day, week after week, and month after month, it's hard to be thankful for the grace we are given to simply live. I know all to well how easy it is to feel abandoned by God because you feel like you can pray as hard as you can but you aren't seeing the results. All I can say is keep praying. Keep praying and try to continually make yourself better inside and out. Seek HIS help when you feel despair.
I'll close this post with this: Our pastor spoke this week about being at peace with God. If we are at peace with God then we can attempt to be at peace with ourselves and each other. So Pray. Pray that God give you peace. Pray that somehow, through the trials, God will give you peace. Then, you will be able to have peace within yourself, and peace with others.
I'm not perfect, obviously ^^! But I can try to be closer to the One who is.
My prayer for today:
God, please here my prayers. You know my wants and my needs. You know my struggles. Please help me to seek your peace as I continue in this life you have given me. Please help me to never take for granted the things I have and the people you have put in my life. Thank you for your continuous grace. Amen.
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