Sometimes I Wonder Why!?

Well it's my birthday week! Usually I don't care to extend my birthday, but this year I wish it did extend.... I'm at a place where I just want some good news.

Why am I in a sour mind set? Well mainly because I take an hour, at minimum, to fall alseep, which means midnight, then I get woken up abruptly at 5:30 am. To top it off, my 2yr old was also woken up around the same time, which meant I was cooking by 6. Did I mention I have a 2 yr old that gets cranky easily???!

Anyways, enough complaining....

So Sunday, at church, the pastor did a sermon on mmiracles,wearegoing through the book of Acts. Lets just say it was awesome! Basically the whole church came down at the end to pray. I love sermons that really bring the church together and on its knees.

One thing that stuck out to mein particular, was Thayer need to "suffer well."

Did you see how I started the post???!!! This I have trouble with. I usually go through stages of "suffering grief", atleast that's what I call it.

Here's how I usually suffer:
-angry at the situation
-angry at myself
-angry at anyone in the situation with me
-bitter at the world
-bitter at God
-extremely hopeful for change
-deep depression
-loss of hope... But trying with all I have to find some
-steady depression that makes me seem to be "in a funk" constantly


Yeah. You're absolutely right. That's NOT the right way to go about it at all! But unfortunately, this is what I've noticed. And this is obviously for severe things, but I know that the small things mainly stick with the first two.

Something our pastor once said, was "its ok to be angry, but so not sin."

In looking at how I've been dealing with difficulties, I can assure you I've needed to spend lots of time of my knees repenting.

I apparently don't suffer well. I usually put on a front to pretend like I'm ok, like I truly believe at all times God is with me and will get me out.. but many times I am completely lying. Many times, though I may be smiling and hugging on the outside, I'm in the pits on the inside. And if I do cry on the outside, that's usually when I'm mad at God or have completely lost hope.

So why am I saying all of this? Because! Dont be like me! Suffer gracefully! I'm still in the midst of trials, which all feel like I'm just standing still with no control, but maybe I need to learn how to trust fully BECAUSE I have no control.

I'm a work in progress... But hopefully someone can learn from my mistakes so that they can save themselves a lot of grief.