Sometimes in life we come to a point where we realize things need to change, or even that maybe they won't change. Sometimes you go through both emotions at the same time.
That's where I am now. Facing the fact that I'm likely never to get pregnant,with a 4% chance of ever conceiving, while knowing I have to enjoy and be thankful for what I have, and possibly plan for adoption. I know we won't be adopting soon, since we have to first sell our house, then finish transitioning, then save up the money.
I'm at the point where we have decided to stop doing fertility treatments, mainly due to the emotional stresses and financial strain it has put on our family. We have essentially stopped putting all of our efforts into trying to have another biological child. We know that if it happens it will be a miracle, but our chances are slim to none.
With all of these emotions, we have decided to get rid of all of our baby things that we were holding onto just in case. I think we will probably sell most of our baby things and donate the ones we can't. This way at least we can use the money for Abby or our adoption fund. I know it won't be much money, but mainly it will get the constant reminders out of sight.
We will have daily reminders of what we are going through, but hopefully one day we will learn to cope in a good way. For now there will be lots of tears, sadness and sometimes even jealousy. I pray that we will soon be able to hear pregnancy announcements, see baby shower invitations and do newborn session without feeling inadequate and hurt.
Soon I hope. Soon I pray. For today I'm just getting used to the idea that this is my reality.
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